Animal Control
     “Uncle Jeff, I want to go back to the petting zoo,” Jacob complained.
     “No,” I said sternly “It’s late I want to sleep and you have preschool-” my sentence trailed off as I opened the door. Pillow stuffing littered the floor, and scratches covered the wall of the violated room.  “Correction I want to find out what did this and get it out of my house.”
     I gaped at the mess before wading through the feathers. I grabbed a baseball bat. Taking a step forward, I glanced back at Jacob and fought with myself for a moment. I steered Jacob back through the doorway.  The Animal Control number took only moments to find.
     “Animal Control. How may I help you?” a voice answered.
     “Just got home to find scratches covering the walls, cougar or something got in here I assume. Mind sending someone over to help me check the house?”
     “Have you seen or heard the animal sir?”
     “Well, no but,” I said.
     “I’m afraid I can’t send a unit over. If you actually see an animal on the premises please call back, but until then there is nothing I can do.”
     I slammed the end call button, hurting my finger in the process. 
     “Fine, I’ll take care of this myself.”
     Wielding the baseball bat as a weapon I prodded the door open and scanned the room. Nothing had changed, but I was apprehensive about entering the room. Keeping my nephew sheltered behind me from any unseen danger, I made my way across the room. My eyes searched for any sign of the perpetrator. When no signs appeared, I followed the scratch marks through the living room to the kitchen. The kitchen had fared no better than the living room.
     Imitating every cop show I had ever seen, I made my way through each room on the first floor. I wanted to make sure Jacob was safe so I forced him into the bathroom and made sure he locked the door despite his loud and annoying complaints. After checking for the third time that Jacob had locked the door, I walked back to the stairway and peered into the darkness that poured down the steps.
     “I knew there was an animal here.”
     The growling grew quieter as the animal moved away from the top of the stairs and towards the hallway. Gathering my courage, I charged up the stairs with a guttural war cry and turned on the hallway light. Seeing nothing I stopped screaming. Aware there was an animal somewhere, I ran down the hallway closing each door, trapping it in one of the rooms.
     “I can handle this, yeah. It’s locked in a room, I’ll just go in there and hit it over the head. Yeah, that will work.” I tried calming myself down.
     I began my methodical search of each room starting at the far end of the hall. Bedroom, nothing. Game room, nothing. Each room yielded nothing to me, until only the guest bedroom remained. I should take on the animal by myself, as I stared at the closed door.
     I opened the door and felt the wall for the switch. The room flooded with light just in time for me to witness a large shadow disappear into the guest bathroom. I slammed the room shut, neglecting to turn off the light. I ran to the next room and locked myself in, trying to calm down.
     After several moments had passed, pounding on the stairs brought me back to my senses. Jacob was still downstairs, or now more likely upstairs. I again called animal services where they assured me that a team would be sent over to deal with the “dangerous and ferocious” animal I had seen.
     Noise from the guest bedroom reminded I could not wait for animal control to get here. So I heroically picked up the baseball bat and prepared to take it on.  I prepared myself for the worst: Jacob was bleeding out on the floor, or possibly dead. This brought on a near panic attack. I did not prepare myself to find Jacob sitting on a bed, a chocolate lab splayed across his lap and the bed.
     “Uncle Jeff, meet Coco. He’s the bestest dog ever,”, Jacob said, grinning ear to ear.
     “Where’s the wild animal?” I said worrying it might attack.
     “No wild animals here, just Coco.”
      I checked the bathroom before sitting next to Jacob. I reached towards Coco and patted him on the head before running a hand over the dogs neck, searching for a collar. Coco was actually female and named Grace. I called Grace’s owners and explained the situation, making arrangements for her to be picked up tomorrow.
     “Jacob, you are in very big trouble. I had you stay in the bathroom so you would be safe. I knew the animal was not downstairs so there was at least some degree of safety down there. How did you get up here without me seeing you, anyways?”
     “I wanted to watch you beat up the big bad monster so I went outside to the window. Then I saw Coco and came in to play while you talked to yourself in the other room.”
     “Okay, well you still need to get to bed, and starting tomorrow no TV for two weeks.”
Pulling a pouting Jacob away from the dog, I quickly got him ready for bed and tucked him in.
     Just as I had a moment of quiet, a loud rumbling came from the front yard. Reaching the front door, I pulled it open. In front of me stood a small army of animal control officers armed with bite sticks and Tasers, prepared to take on the dangerous animal that had been reported. I apologized many times for their trouble and explained the situation.
     “Perhaps I overreacted.” I sheepishly admitted. “Hey, would it be possible for you to take Grace to the shelter overnight?”
     “She isn’t a wild animal so animal control can’t take her in.” an officer announced.
      “Come on, please! Her owner is going to pick her up in the morning.”
     “Sorry, sir”
     Grace, or Coco, had plodded into the room and stared pleading at me, I grumbled, and resigned myself to a night with her as she lay her head on my lap.