As the last page of my book was turned, my heart felt weakened. Was this the plan all along? To live a life, to achieve your goals then to die? The darkness crept over me, leaving me speechless. As my eyes closed I felt my soul leave my ever aging body. For I have lived a life, a full life. Ones life could not be more perfect I thought but as I lie here I feel the feeling of perpetual guilt. The guilt of never living this life again, not taking the other paths that were brought forth. As I floated away I watched myself sleep, sleep for all eternity. Where will I be when my loved ones find me, how will they view my lifeless body? Will they believe I'm in heaven or in h---? Will they think of all the good times or focus on the bad?
You know the whole, life flashes before your eyes thing? Well for me that was true, my entire life from start to finish was before my eyes. I saw what my past was like, what I had done and what I had failed to do. I saw my father before he died, my mother before the nursing home, I even saw my sister whom I've recently lost contact with. I saw the things I always wished to see again and I saw the things I wish I could have changed. I saw each path I choose and each past relationship. I had no idea the little decision I made could change the life of so many people. As I watched my life being played before my eyes I came to appreciate time and appreciate those I over looked.
My life was not inadequate, nor was it whole but as I watch my lifeless body I feel as if death was not meant to be. I have come to feel that my life was merely unfinished, that the book had another few chapters. I struggled to reach for my body but it was just out of my grasp. I can only hope that God has mercy on this poor soul. For I will greet death in another form, not the form of a young adult. I will welcome death as a friend when I am old and had lived my life to not only successes but to live the way God intended. To live a life without wrongdoing but with joy. I could feel the energy surging through me, this was not the end but a new beginning. I was finding my way, finding a new self. I felt the electricity running through my veins as I thought these words. I am not done, I AM NOT DONE, as I yelled these words the electricity built up inside me. I felt the strength inside me, the strength to fight for my life. The sparks from inside me consumed my mind. All I wanted was to continue my life, to fight for more pages. I wanted to write my story the way I deemed acceptable. I…AM…NOT…DONE…I reached out grabbing my body and pulled myself back inside.
I opened my eyes to see there were doctors standing around me. I gasped for breath. I looked around noticing the pavement I was laying on and the flames coming from my car. I made eye contact with a nurse holding a defibrillator, “Your going to be fine, Mr. Smith.” I felt a smile creep upon my face before my eyelids dropped pulling me into a deep sleep. Although the sleep consumed me I know in my heart, that I am not done.