This is my last year in High School, I better make the best of it. Being an independent woman is hard because I do everything on my own, and I have been for the past 3 years after my best friend moved after freshman year. I havn’t had any contact with her since, we kind of just distanced ourselves from one another. I would just go home to my mother because she is the only one that has actually stuck by me, especially through freshman year when I needed her the most. That was the year of hell if I put it in my own words. Freshman year was the hardest and longest school year of my life. Being bullied until I cried, almost ending my life for a stupid crush. He ruined my life for liking me. The one girl, that dropped out since sophomore year because she became pregnant with his child. I wasn’t even into boys that year, I was just focusing on my school work. I still passed with a 3.2 gpa with all of the drama going on which I am extremely proud of myself.
I started focusing on my life, since that tough year. I look back at it now, glad that I’m still standing here today September 23, 2016. Have everything that I need, which I am grateful for. I even have a caring man that won’t hurt me in either way, shape, or form. I remember the one boy during freshman year that had a crush on me, Eva Brito. I could still hear some of the girls talking in the restroom when I would try to hide from them so they wouldn’t hurt me. I can hear it clearly after 3 years passing by. The boy that liked me during freshman year was Josh Penning. He was a sophomore varsity football player also known as the most valuable player during the year. I didn’t believe the rumors going around about Josh’s crush on me. The year was going great, before this crushing started to happen. I sometimes still wonder why the girls were always angry with me, I didn’t have anything to deal with Josh’s crush, I didn’t even talk to him during the year. Except the times I helped him with his science homework. Wait… he would flirt with me the whole time instead of working, it all makes sense now looking back at it.
I remember Bianca Noonan standing outside the classroom waiting for Josh after I was done tutoring him with his science homework. I understand clearly why she hates me now, and over one boy. I still have some of the memories of him taking my glasses, twirling my curly hair, grabbing my pencil and closing my book. He always made me smile and I made him smile too. I understand now, every time Josh looked at Bianca outside the library,  he would stop and I didn’t even notice why. After every tutoring session I walked out after him seeing Bianca raise her voice towards him telling him how angry she was about him being with me. It all makes sense now! She was just being a jealous possessive girlfriend, that’s why she hates me now because he did brake up with her for… me.
The time was 3 A.M. and Josh hadn’t called me yet. He had been out all night, on a Saturday from the first week back to school. Josh has many friends, he played football and was the MVP, but was also amazing at everything else he did. I just don’t know how I was the type of girl who wore glasses, passed all her classes with A’s, and didn’t go out, had a boy like him to call my own at the time. Josh was a very loyal boyfriend to what I’ve seen. That made me happy because I was not emotionally ready for a heartbreak. Which I knew was a possible outcome from what I’ve heard in the bathroom stalls. Josh was my first boyfriend.
The clock was about to change to 4:30 A.M. in less than a minute, being the loyal girlfriend I was still up waiting for Josh to call me. Just wanting him to let me know he made it home safely. I received a call and it was from a number I had never seen in my life before. I answered with my heart sinking into my stomach  asworried if it was bad news, about Josh since it was late and he hadn’t called me yet. The number that appeared on my phone was Josh calling me from a cell phone post. He sounded scared and worried. He told me that he was in an accident on his way home, and he said that he needed me as soon as possible because he felt worried. Josh also told me to not let anyone know where I was going. I found that odd because Josh always makes sure I let my parents know that I am going to see him. So I get there and I see Josh, I am relieved that he is somewhat okay but not okay mentally. I remember calling the cops as I walked towards him looking at the accident from a distance away. Even though it was cloudy, dark, and the smoke of the cars were in front of me. When I finally reached Josh, he was demanding me to take him home instantly, and I didn't see what the hurry was because I needed to wait for the cops to arrive to see if everything was okay with Josh and the other victims. I asked Josh, what was the hurry in a irritated tone, and he said because he didn’t want to get a DUI. I looked at him with disappointment. He said to take him home that instant, but I didn’t respond. I wasn’t going to let someone else boss me around and especially if it’s my boyfriend. I just sat on the cold sidewalk waiting for the cops, tuning out Josh’s rant. 
Having to make the hardest decision in my life at that moment, even if it might end my relationship. I had to do the right thing, or live with guilt for the rest of my life. I decided to leave Josh there. I was walking away from him and all I could remember hearing were his yells. I was scared at first because he might end up doing something he had never done before. Just for being under the influence of alcohol anything can happen. He started to run towards me, I could hear his footsteps and thought he would come and apologize, I thought different. Being right up on me I could smell the alcohol in his breath, see his busted lip, and some blood on his low v neck t-shirt. Josh got closer to me, grabbing me by the shoulders really tight so I wouldn’t leave him. He then raised his voice a little and said, “You are not leaving me here, you came for me and you are going to take me home this instant!”
“I am not taking you anywhere, you need to confess. It’s what you have to do. Be a man! Take responsibility!” I responded while looking at him right in his eyes with my voice cracking. He took hold on me even tighter, trying to make me take him home. I yelled at him even more, hitting his chest, “Josh let go! You’re hurting me!” Josh then, pulled me even closer.
“ If I’m going to get in trouble, so are you. But instead of with the cops, it’s going to be with me.”  Josh loosened his arms, and let me free. I noticed his knuckles were white from how tight he was holding me. I could see his face filled with frustration towards me. He wasn’t talking for a moment, he just stood there. I was starting to walk away from him. I didn't get that far. Before I knew it, he grabbed my left wrist with his right hand. I told him one last time to let go of my wrist, all he did was tighten his grip. He wouldn’t flinch when I tried to push him away. I hit his chest so he can let go of my wrist. It felt like the cops were taking forever to get there. I remember seeing Josh’s blue eyes looking right through me, knowing how vulnerable my body was at that moment, because I was terrified for my life. My body was shaking and my eyes were watering like no other. Hearing the cop’s siren from a distance filled my body with relief. I finally knew help was near. Josh forcefully dragged me to my car by my wrist, which was feeling numb. He then pushed me up against the car and smacked me. I felt the pain shoot throughout my face, tingling horribly. I held my right cheek with both of my hands so I can get the feeling back. He lets me go and I fell onto the street almost hitting the ground with all my weight, thinking fast, I ended up catching myself. I looked up, only to discover his blue eyes looking back at me. He started to kick me, which made me hit the ground.  He then picked me up and shoved me inside the vehicle. He threw himself in the passenger seat next to me, throwing the keys at my lap, and made me drive him home. As I drove away, I saw the cops arrival through the rear view mirror and felt guilt rising in me for leaving the scene. The drive to Josh’s house was silent. He knew I didn’t want to talk to him and I knew he was furious with me. I pulled over to drop him off and he tried kissing me but I turned my head. This, unfortunately, was a mistake. He grabbed my neck, forced me to face him, and kissed me hard. He slammed the door behind him, walked away and yelled a salty “I love you” without looking back. I started to cry once he closed his house door behind him. My sides started to hurt so much from his kicks. I felt so violated, I didn’t feel loved I felt betrayal.
I drove home with tears in my eyes...suddenly seeing blue, and red lights flashing right behind me. I pulled over to the right side lowering my window down without any caution. I yanked out my license from my wallet, and got my registration ready for the cop that walked towards me. The cop’s badge said Montes, Mr. Montes then said “Hello Miss, can you step out for a second.” I stepped out of my car like if it was normal and looked right at him. He asked me why I left the scene of the incident and where was the person on the passenger seat? 
“I left him at his house, He’s my boyfriend,” I said with a calm tone, I wasn’t in the mood.
Mr.Montes finally looked up at me and asked me with a worried tone, “Miss do you need help? Are you okay,Miss? What is your name?”
I was shaking from fear, and told him “ No! I am hurt! My boyfriend hit me! He was drinking and driving and he hit me when I said I wouldn’t take him home!,” I was crying my eyes out after spilling out those words. I fell on my knees to the floor and the cop was trying to help me get back up. I stood and cried on him. I couldn’t help myself at that moment. I started to feel light headed and fell to the floor again. Mr. Montes helped me stand up again, but everytime I tried to stand, I end up falling back down on the cold ground. He knew right there and then that something was wrong. The cop in the dark uniform picked me up from the ground and held me in his arms and told me “Calm down! It is going to be okay.” He then called the paramedics to send help my way. I blacked out. Last thing I saw was Montes looking at me with his worried eyes. I woke up in a clear white room on a bed that wasn’t so comfortable. I looked around even more and saw Montes again, but sitting next to me in a wooden chair. I was surprised seeing him there, I moved  too fast and had tears running down my face from a massive headache. After a few minutes, he finally stood up and asked if I was doing fine. He saw me still trembling and worried.
“I’m doing fine. I’m also very tired still. I just want my mom,” I replied. I couldn't sleep. The moment of Josh’s beating gave me nightmares, and they still do till this day. I couldn’t even bear closing my eyes for a second that day. The bruises were still there, and so were my tears. My eyes still water every time I think about that year, but I am happy that I overcame it. I am also glad that Josh isn’t in my life right now… I wonder what happened to him after all.