My eyes drift close once more and I fall asleep for a second time. Once again, I wake up in the same place; the only difference is that it’s morning. Andromeda wakes up too, yawning. She stretches her arms, her shirt lifting slightly so that I can see her stomach once again. For the hundredth time since I met the girl sitting next to me, I am embarrassed. I really just can't help it.
It is at this very moment that my mind freaks out that I wore my binder to sleep. For five seconds I am internally screaming until I remember that I lost my binder in the crossfire. I groan, earning the attention of Andromeda mid-stretch. She raises an eyebrow at me.
“Binder...” I sigh.
“Oh... OH!” She exclaims, jumping out of bed and rushing downstairs. “Follow me!” She calls from the floor below. I scramble out of her bed, almost falling a few times, racing after her. I catch a glimpse of her hair as she whips around the corner. She rushes toward her front door and flings it open. “Come on! Hurry! Before he leaves for work!” She yells out to me as she cuts across her lawn and the next few neighbors’ lawns too until she reaches a house a few houses down. I catch up at the last minute as she stands out of breath with a proud look on her face.
“Care to explain?” I heave a breath in and out as I breathe deeply catch my breath.
“Neighbor... Trans guy... binder... can't breathe...” she wheezes slightly then regains her composure. “My neighbor, he's just out of college. He is a trans guy. He probably still has an old binder from before he transitioned.” She explains, actually using full sentences this time.
“Really?” My heart races as I get excited. I might actually get to meet someone who has felt the same way that I have. I'm so happy and excited. Andromeda walks up onto the porch of the house and knocks on the door.
“He should still be home, his car is here and all.” Andromeda mutters quietly with slight confusion.
“I'm coming! Give me a second please!” A voice is heard from the inside of the house. He sounds like an actual guy. Oh, am I so excited. Maybe he could give me tips on how to sound more masculine too! That would be so cool! I start to fanboy about all of the possibilities that could happen when I meet the guy. The door slides open and reveals a shirtless man with black hair and dark green eyes. “Yeah?” My eyes flicker downward to his chest. You could barely tell that he had ever even had the two annoying things on his chest. There was only a small line the size of a hair where you could still see where the surgery happened. “Oh Andro.” He looks over to Andro, catching my attention and making me realize that I was probably being rude. “Who's your friend?” He questions.
“Jordan,” she smiles, looking over at me. “We were wondering if you had a binder that might fit Jordan? If that's okay? The one Jordan had was destroyed by the scissors of an annoyed nurse.” She giggles softly, making me feel warmth in my chest and causing the guy to smile.
“I'll see what I got,” he smirks. “My name is Ethan, by the way. It's nice to meet you.” He turns around after I nod in agreement. “Come, follow me.” He nods his head in the direction of his living room. “Stay here, I'll go find a binder if I can. I think I still have a few that just might be your size.” He smiles kindly at me, a shine in his eyes.
He turns and walks away, heading to help me out.
“Oh my god...”  I whispered in astonishment.
“I know right? He can make a gay girl straight.” She fans herself, giggling. I roll my eyes at her. “I kid, I kid.”
“But seriously. Whoa. I want to be like him. There is no way he wouldn't pass unless he became a drag queen. And even then.”  I smile brightly. “He's so cool.” I dream about what I would look like after top surgery. It makes me feel like a child, but it also makes me feel so damn happy that the results could be so good.
“Oh I know I'm cool.” He winks at me as he struts back into the living room, accompanied by a stack of what I'd assume would be binders. “Do you know what size you are?” He asks me, tilting his head to the side as he puts down the pile onto the coffee table. I shake my head no, suddenly embarrassed.
“The last time I measured for one was a year ago, maybe. I don't really remember.” I look down.
“Ah, it's all good. I will get you right measured up in a jiffy.” She smiles proudly and motions for me to come over. “Do you have any sort of thing that you are binding with now on you?” He asks and I shake my head. He thinks for a second, and then comes up with an idea. “Now I remember how to measure it. You need to be wearing some type of thing on your chest so that it won't compress it, but it will show how it forms and junk.” He explains, avoiding using words that could make me feel uncomfortable. “How about that? Are you wearing... you know?” He asks. Once again the answer is no. “Okay... um, you and Andro look almost the same size, close enough I would think. So can you let... him?” He stops to ask my pronoun, making me feel really happy.
“Him or them, either one works.” I smile brightly at him.
“Okay, so can you let him wear your top while I measure him.” Andromeda and I both turn red in the face, but Ethan mistook our embarrassment for something else. “Don't worry you'll get it back. Oh, and if it's the topless thing you're worried about, don't worry, it's just another human.” He smirks and I take back what I thought before. He does understand enough, he just seems to want to make it awkward between us. “The bathroom is over there, be quick and no funny business.” He winks at us, causing me to visibly cringe.
I take everything back. I don't want to be like him. I only want to get top surgery like him. No need to go overboard and become exactly like him. I think Andromeda had a clue on what I was thinking because she gave me a look that just said “don't you dare” and I have a feeling that I interpreted her thoughts correctly. We head to the bathroom and I stand outside the door, waiting. Then it's my turn and I put on the not binder that Andromeda is letting me borrow. I step out, Andromeda’s sweatshirt from yesterday in hand. I pass it over to her and she slides it on, smiling awkwardly.
“Now this will not do. Take off the shirt or else it won't be as accurate as it could be.” He rolls his eyes, a tape measure at the ready.
So now I stand, exposed and cold in the middle of a stranger's house. “Get it fine quickly, please,” I mutter, my face red and hot while the rest of me shivers, my ribs showing from the lack of body fat I have. He measures me quickly, to my relief, and tells me he has the right size. I throw in the shirt once more as I rub my arms to regain heat to them. He searches through the stack and I look over to see Andromeda with a worried, yet red face. I smile at her for reassurance, but it does nothing in the long run to convince her. He finds three different binders and hands them over to me.
“Do you know how you put it on?” He asks, a devious look on his face. I shrug, and then head off to the bathroom, Andromeda trailing behind me. “Good luck,” he chuckles softly, in a way that makes me nervous.
When I get into the bathroom, I try to slide on the binder from an overhead perspective. That fails and I just end up becoming stuck in the binder with my arms raised straight above my head. Well that failed. I have never put on a binder with sleeves before so this is one of its own big challenges for me. I've always just used a binder with the hook clips. I struggle to take off the binder, and then go at it from a different approach. I take the binder and turn it inside out. I step into it from the bottom and shimmy it up to my waist. From there I slide my hands through the sleeves and yank it up so that it is the right way and on correctly. I'm so glad that I actually give a victory cry out, causing Andromeda to ask if I was okay. I was ecstatic.
This binder worked much better than the last one that I had. It was the perfect size so I didn't even bother trying on the others. I threw on my shirt and ran out the door; tossing Andromeda’s belonging back to her and leaving her in a dazed state. I run out to Ethan, sliding all over the floor in my panicked rush and almost colliding with a few things, but I make it to him unscathed.
“Well you sure figured that out quickly. Does it fit the safety thing?” He tilts his head and I tilt mine in return. “I'm not sure if there's a name for it, but to make sure that it is safe, you have to be able to stick your fingers in it easily.” My eyes widen in understanding. “Here, I'll do it, the safer possible, the better.” The binder, being a mid-length one, went down to the bottom of my rib cage. He lifted my shirt and tested it, making me feel highly uncomfortable with him at the moment.
Andromeda walks back into the room, looking relieved to be comfortable now. I smile at her and give her two thumbs up.
“It works!” My smile grows wider and she smiles back at me, her eyes crinkling in joy, dimples forming in her cheeks.
“I'm glad.” She sighs happily.
“Thank you so much Ethan. I'll give it back to you once I get myself my own binder. But really, thank you.” Words can't describe how happy I am to be in this binder. It works so much better than my old one and is more comfortable.
“No need to thank me. You can keep it, too. It isn't like I'll need it back anytime soon.” He chuckles, smiling like as brightly as Andromeda.
“Are you sure?” I question with skepticism.
“I am absolutely, positively, one hundred percent sure. And if you ever need advice or help for anything, you know where to find me.” He smirks.
“Thank you so, so, so much. This makes me so happy. I am so grateful that you would help me out with this.” My eyes start to water with happiness and my hands are shaking. “This really means the world to me. Thank you.” I trip my way over to him and hug him tightly. He wraps his arms around me in return for a second before letting go.
“You two kids are going to be late for school, go hurry up and talk to me later.” He rolls his eyes happily.
“Thanks again!” We cheer in union. We turn and leave the house and walk back to Andromeda’s.
“He was so cool... but also pretty weird.” I chuckle.
“That's what I thought at first too when I first met him, but you grow used to it. He's a nice guy.”