Silent, I stare out the dark, dull window. I look at all of the people. Notice the similarities, the differences. I leaned forward a bit, only because the taxi driver braked. My eyes graze over the wording that’s taped on the back of the seat in front of me. It says:
“She’s one of the angels
  God sent to be a
  Role model and she was
  As hot as the fire
  That ignites in me
  When I see Her.”

“Your stop, sir,” the tired looking man says in the front seat.
I get out.
New York. The city that never sleeps. So many people on their cell phones, mindless. Unfocused. They never sleep because they’re on their phones. I get a good amount of sleep unlike these closed off people.The wind slaps my face, and I understand that I need to get to my destination. I must’ve been standing in the road for a long while because someone yelled at me, telling me I am, in fact, in the road. My attention always gets grabbed here.
I slowly stroll into work and the security guard is glaring at me again. I look in his direction, but I look through them, searching for more, I look past his eyes, into his soul. Ann, my short, peppy colleague interrupts my focus, flows around the corner and quickly says to me, “Sherman, you gotta see this!” in her high pitched voice.
I follow, mimicking her short footsteps. Shes goes into the main office area. The news is on the television. “...eleven dead so far and several injured…more coming up.” The memories drift back, and I believe that I am seeing her chestnut hair, cascading down her shoulders . The man’s tie on the television is way too bright, it hurts my eyes. It is quiet in here. I grab an apple that is sitting in the break room.
I ask Ann what was so important. I really would rather be working than talking. Every time Ann shows me something, it’s never interesting or important. Nothing ever is.
I don’t understand still when she points at the television, but I act like I do.
“His tie is extremely bright.” I feel like I’m bad at this, it’s always so superficial, faking my every conversation and emotion with everyone. I turn to leave, glaring at the EXIT sign. Red is such a menacing color and I feel it’s the best to display the exit door. I hear Ann calling my name but I don’t feel like turning to look at her.
I’m an accountant in the company I work at. I like my job because it’s always the same. Nothing ever changes. The people I work with aren’t as scheduled as me. A man at my cubicle is extremely messy and it drives me crazy. He never cleans up his papers, which he now has more than ten stacks on either side of him, all different colors and he has his sticky notes all over his computer. I offer to clean it up because it smells of old coffee but he continuously says no. I cannot believe how he is able to work.
When work is slow, I often find myself reminiscing when I had Ellie in my arms. I think it’s interesting that she is now just a memory. A lot of people ask me if I’m alright and I don’t understand why I wouldn’t be. What took Her was inevitable, I’m sure it was bound to happen sometime. She passed away about a month ago because of a car accident. She was my sister, and she would be the only person I feel a loving emotion toward. She would tell me she loved me when we spent time together. I would actually have a natural smile on my face when I saw Her and that is so rare for me that I have to go look in the mirror and see it. I would like to rewind in the past when she was right next to me, telling me that she loved me. I wish I told her back. I just didn’t understand, and I partially still don’t. I don’t think any of us truly understand what love is. Love is a different language.
I believe that I should’ve told her that I love Her because I think I do. She was wicked in a way, she was a bit twisted like me. Ellie was a blessing and curse, which is why I hate that I loved Her. A fire did ignite in me when I saw Her, she was a beautiful angel. She was all that I wanted. She was all that I needed. Now, I believe that she is one with the actual angels.
At the funeral, I could feel eyes on me. What bothered me is that I know I should’ve been more sad but my mind felt numb. There was a net that was blocking the thoughts in my mind and a dam stopping my tears from falling onto my face. The net was called ‘Ignorance’ and the dam was named ‘Cluelessness.’
I loved Her. I love Her.