Dear whoever is actually desperate enough to be reading this,

I can’t sleep, and so I’m writing to you. At least as long as you’ll listen to my long babbling that is my life. My name is Jax Hathaway. I am a sophomore at Brennway Highschool in Arizona. This past year has been, what I would consider, the worst year of my life. But that is something that is going to be told another day. Anyway, today started as a normal day. I got up out of bed, and like always, everything that has happened to me in the past year hit me at once. But that, again, shall be told another day. Let’s fast forward to the lame bus ride to school. Everyday, the third person on. No one of interest to talk to. I sit with my earbuds in, music blaring to drown out the little people who are sure they are in charge of the universe. I sit alone, more by choice, every day and have since the seventh grade. Until today.
As I was in the middle of one of my favorite songs, I see someone stop in the isle next to my seat. As I looked up, I saw that she was looking right at me. I pulled my ear bud out and in the not so nicest way said “Yes?”. All she did was smile and sat down! I mean for god’s sake at least ask! At least, that’s what I was thinking at the time, because the more I looked at this girl sitting next to me, the more I realized that she was more of an angel than a girl. She was obviously a new girl, at least I had never seen her before. My quick glances were enough to see her beautiful smile that never seemed to fade, her long flowing natural brown hair, her green eyes almost seemed to pour into you.
As I noticed those mesmerizing eyes, I also noticed that she had caught onto my frequent glances. I felt my face turn bright red, but I couldn’t stop looking. With that huge smile she looked at me and mocked my, “Yes?” and went right back to her music. I was silent the rest of the bus ride wondering who the heck this mystery girl was and where the heck she came from. 
The rest of the day was pretty normal, aside from the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about that girl. I hung out with the other jocks feeling like the kings of the school. I wouldn’t really say they’re my friends, but the popularity doesn’t hurt. It’s kind of funny how much people respect you just for the jersey you wear. Just because I’m a football player, I have heard so many rumors about girls liking me and all my teachers love me and it just never stops. Sometimes it’s exhausting have to play the part of a popular jock. You can’t mess up or the whole team turns their backs on you. I’m not over exaggerating either, I’ve seen it happen to a guy who quit halfway during the season last year. He had quit, but still that week wanted to sit with us. Well the “head” of our gang, Elijah Baker, made the executive decision that we all pretend he wasn’t there and just leave him at the table by himself. The kid went from having a whole pack to being a lone pup. I felt bad, but what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t let that happen to me. From what I’ve heard from Elijah, that lone kid turned to drugs. He apparently found a new gang.
So now I’m stuck here, wondering about this girl, knowing that if any of these people that I call “friends” found out that I am feeling this way, my fate would be the same as the poor boy from last year. I mean, none of us have girlfriends. Don’t get me wrong, we have girls that like us, but Elijah told us it’s not worth just having one, you shouldn’t be tied down, you should just let them come to you whenever. I think he’s just a douche, but he’s always got some girl hanging on him when he walks in the door, and different one waiting for him after practice. But, still a douche. So if he knew that I think I may have started to fall for this girl, it wouldn’t go down so well. But I can’t help it, she’s an angel. Those striking eyes and bright smile are enough to make me stop listening to what jerk Elijah says. She’s gorgeous.
At least I thought that’s how I was feeling. That’s when third period came a long and I got to look at her again, and realized, I was in real deep crap if any of the guys found out. As she walked in, I saw that she had already found the library because she had three books stacked on top of her stuff. Big ones to, and if anyone knows anything about football players, they read about a book a month, if that. Unless you hide it from them. Anyway, she had safety pins running down the length of her sleeve. The holes in her jeans almost looked like they were scratched there by a lion. Her combat boots just above her ankles. But she still had that sparkling smile. Despite all the football “No no’s” she was still amazing.
I saw her eyeing the spot next to me and simultaneously felt my face burn red. I was kicking myself for it thinking, “ I don’t even know her name! why am I being so dumb about this?”. But of course she sat down, not at the seat beside me, but the seat right in front of me. I didn’t know if I should say something or not, I mean, I still didn’t know her name at that point. I was going to ask her name when she turned around and answered before me asking. “Alice Jordan. My name I mean. I was going to tell you on the bus, but I got nervous. I’m new here. My mom and I just moved here, and I don’t know anyone yet. I hope it was okay that I sat with you.” I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at her, again. She didn’t turn around though. She was waiting, smiling, but waiting for me to respond. I felt my face flush. I don’t know why, I talk to girls all the time, but not girls like this. She was different. She wasn’t “plastic” or “perfect” like all the girls that I have talked to try to be.
“M-My name’s, uh, Jax?”. I sounded like I didn’t even know my own name. What a great first impression that was, but she didn’t really seem to mind.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you. Was it okay that I sat with you though. I didn’t want to seem like a weirdo.”
“Oh, uh, yeah it was okay. I didn’t mind, I just haven’t had someone sit with me in a long time, so it was a little different.” I had a little laugh at the end of that too, but I was still feeling really awkward.
“Do you care if I-”
The bell rang and she turned around with another angelic smile. As she turned around, I glanced at her books. Only to find out that they weren’t books at all, they were journals.
“Three of them? How many do you need?”
They had writing on the binds. I could just make them out, “Poems”, “Drawing”, and “Me”. I had no idea what that meant, but they looked like they were all being well loved.
The rest of the day went as normal, boring lunch, even more boring classes, and sadly no others with Alice. I went home and did my homework while I tried to tune out my dad’s TV. I went to bed thinking about the mystery girl who is now Alice, and yet, still filled with mystery.

Alice

Day 1

This is my first time trying to write in this journal, at least since I was seven. I found old things that I wrote and thought it would be kind of fun to write in this again. My mom said it might be a good idea to write about what has happened anyway. So, here goes nothing.
We just moved to Arizona. Another new school. We have moved twice before. From Colorado to California then there to a different part of Arizona. Now, we are here, in Brennway and I go to the high school. Today was my first day and I think I made a friend, but I’m not sure, He didn’t say much, but he did say that I could sit with him on the bus. Oh! I also sit in front of him in our third hour history class. But this isn’t what I should be writing about. My mom thinks that I should write about my feelings. She was actually the one who found this journal, and the two others.
I used to love to write and draw. That was also a time that I thought I wanted to be a writer, that all your dreams could come true. Except, that’s not how the world works. You don’t get to do the things you want to, only the things you have to. That’s how you survive in this world. Anyway, I think that’s enough for one day. My mom should be home soon. Talk to you later.

Jax

Dear, again, whoever is desperate enough to be listening to this,
I had never been more nervous about getting on the bus. I really had no idea what to say to her. I had never felt that before. I always knew what to say. All the girls I have talked to before did all the talking for me. An occasional “Mhmm.” and “Oh yeah, that’s cool.” usually got me through a conversation with those girls. But Alice is different. She is so unpredictable. How can you know what to say to the unpredictable?
Then the bus came. I got on and sat in my normal seat. I was nervous, excited and terrified. It didn’t help that I was the first one on and I had to wait until the second to last stop for her to get on. When we stopped at the corner where she was picked up yesterday, it was empty. My heart sank. I was confused and just upset. I didn’t know what to think.
I went through the first two periods thinking about Alice and why she wasn’t on the bus. Maybe she was sick or just missed the bus. I was a little nervous about walking into third hour. Not knowing if she would be there or not. Also a little embarrassed that I had been thinking about her so much.
I walked in, and it was almost as if she was glowing in that seat. I felt the butterflies and was mad at myself for it. I’m a popular football player, I’m not supposed to get butterflies of all things. I sit down, trying not to think about her perfectly dyed black hair. I couldn’t help it though, I had to ask about the bus, and once more she answered before I spoke.
She turned around quick with an almost concerned face. “My mom took me to school today. She likes to do that sometimes. Are we still good?”
I was a little frozen for a second. I still couldn’t understand how this girl who looks so tough could have doubts. All I could mutter out was, “Yeah, we’re good.”. I felt like I blew it! I want to say more to her but I just couldn’t. It didn’t really seem to bother her much though. She just turned around with that big, beautiful smile and I felt my heart leap again. The rest of the day went by like a breeze. All I could think about was that smile. I even got called out in math for “day dreaming” when really my dream was reality.
Then I had to go home. And there he was. My dad. In the same chair he has been in for the past year it seems. After everything that happened, he quit his job. Still, he must have some way of getting money because there are all those empty bottles are always staring me in the face when I walk in the door. Not to mention the terrible smell that comes from them.
Today he was actually awake, the first time this week. I was halfway up the stairs before he even noticed me. “Hey, Jax come here!”.
“Yeah dad?”
“I want you to order out for anything you want, I got paid today.”
“How did you get paid, exactly? You don’t have a job!”
“I’m still getting money from your some way or another. But that doesn’t matter. I don’t want you to cook tonight! Got it.
“Got it.” Of course their was an eye roll and a loud trip up the stairs, but I did what he said because if I’m honest, there wasn’t much for me to make.
So I ate pizza alone in my room while listening to the tv static, knowing my dad was once again asleep without food, only booze, but I don’t fall asleep thinking of that, I fall asleep thinking about the amazing smile that awaits me tomorrow.

Alice
(Poem Book)

I am here
With you
I can’t see you
But I am
With you

You left us
And still, I am
With you
Or maybe You
Are with Me

You are My
Shadow
I can’t see you
But I am
With you

I keep moving because
I know I am
With You
Or maybe You
Are with Me