It’s not practical. I’m not fast enough anyway and it won’t get me into college. Stress relief? Exercise? I’m one of the most academically focused people in my grade – nothing exists for us but school, afterschool clubs, and outside of school competitions.

Last year sports existed; last year everything did. But now time slips away like silk, rustling and laughing as it passes. The days are too short. I cling to what of my life I can, but all in vain: the ground shifts too fast underfoot. The music, the wind, the smell of fresh grass twist away from me and I grope as might one blind.

My classmates and my teachers tell me I’m a slacker. I lack dedication and commitment. I may be “smart” but I’ll never get anywhere unless I try harder … How hard am I supposed to try, and how hard can anyone try?

I swallow my feelings every day, pushing them far down so that I can jam in that extra hour of contest prep, so that I can get up an hour earlier every morning to read my math textbooks before school starts. But when I am alone – when I dream – when I wander – a voice I barely recognize anymore whispers to me. I remember everything I am giving up, everything I could have had …

A “normal” person. Good enough but not “exceptional.” Would that be so bad? It was only a short time ago; yet what has risen up between – all those hours of my life, tirelessly passionate, that I devoted to what I am right now – can I leave that behind? Do I want to?

I chose this; I gave up everything. This is a eulogy I suppose, a parting verse for something I once loved more than love can comprehend … I chose this.