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The Funeral Arrangements
They covered her face with a foam block,then pulled the blanket over her. And as they pulled the gurney out of the house the rusted wheels made a high pitched squeaking noise,The worst part of it was the all my family was still in the living room (the same room my mother just died in) as if nothing had happened.
Latasha and I had just left the house to get some groceries for dinner that night (I was overjoyed to leave the house, I had done nothing but sit in my room with the lights off for an entire week). After we finished shopping Tasha received a phone call from Dad I knew right away that my Mother had just died by the look on Latasha's face. we quickly drove home (Tasha was driving so recklessly i thought we were going to die too) as we pulled in the driveway I felt a certain sense of dread washed over me. When I walked in the house I felt chills run down my spine, I continued down the hallway into the living room(it was the first time in weeks i've been in the living room in weeks and not hear the sound of my Mother's respirator). I walked up to her Hospice bed she had a strange look of calm on her face, her head was slightly tilted as if she where looking out the window at the sunset. I don't know why but i put the cross necklace that she used to wear when I was younger in her left hand and closed her palms. I really wasn't paying attention to what was going around me (it was almost like I was in shock) Tash was on the other side of the bed with her face buried in Moms blanket crying, my niece and nephew didn't even realized what was going on, and my father had his left hand covering his eyes while he was crying (it was the first time I had ever seen him cry) i think seeing him my father the man looked up to my entire life cry is what made it really sink in, my Mother was dead. I left after that, I walked over to my grandmother's house down the road (where my niece was watching all the little kids). I sat down in the blue recliner my grandparents had sitting in there living room making idle conversation with my niece trying not to think about how my mother just died, I was trying not to think about how i would never see her again never hear her voice again I was trying not to remember how she would take me fishing when i was little or how she would always take time out of her day for me. But I couldn't stop the flow of memories. I felt my stomach churning i almost vomited on the spot but i stopped myself before I could. I saw a hearse pull into my driveway, and two men with a gurney walk into my house. I ran back home as fast as I could,I stepped into the living room most of my family was there watching them lift my Mother's corpse onto the gurney, then they covered her face with a fome block,then pulled the blanket over her. And as they pulled the gurney out of the house the rusted wheels made a high pitched squeaking noise,The worst part of it was the all my family was still in the living room as if nothing had happened. A few days latter my family held her funeral, a plethora of my family came (even my brother from Kentucky whom I haven't seen in years) I couldn't believe how many lives my mother had touched in her lifetime. But while all these people were crying and moaning my mother's death, i felt absolutely nothing. It was as if someone had flipped a switch, I felt completely numb as if I was completely empty inside (or maybe I've been this cold and distant my whole life) in ether cause I didn't really care (i felt little empathy for them the only reason they were crying because they didn't understand the pain she's been in for the last two years). I walked up to Mother's casket with my three brothers down the crowded aisles, as I looked at her I couldn't help but feel disturbed, she looked completely white as if she was frozen, her hair was combed over (she never did something like that), and they had her in an ugly red and black pantsuit. If she could of seen herself she would of laughed. Suddenly i had a strange thought that this would be the last time I would ever see her again, soon they would haul her off to an industrial oven and turn her to ashes. It's been almost a year since then.
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its been almost on year since that day.