“Don’t do anything stupid.” I’ve heard that statement more times than I can count. My past experiences with these words are mediocre, at best, average. But the time I remember those words were at my lowest point: Freshmen year.

Famous last words; although they aren’t particularly famous in my book. They were my friends’ last words to me “Don’t do anything stupid.” No, he isn’t dead, but he dropped off the face of my world; I wasn’t worth his friendship

Now, I had been best friends with this boy named David since eighth grade. Partners in crime. We talked day and night.  David lived in Chicago; with brown hair and brown eyes, he was a normal kid who loved baseball and had a secret liking for Disney. We met on social media sometime in April. We both had fan accounts with our friends. We were like 14; it wasn’t the best life decision. It’s not like we were going out or telling each other our personal information; we didn’t even share our phone number. It was completely innocent. Then, he decided that online friendships weren’t real, that we didn’t know each other, and we needed to focus on school.

I told him that school hadn’t affected us the year before and we were friends why did it matter how we met? His response? “Don’t do anything stupid” among other goodbyes and it’s-going-to-be-okay declarations. I was still devastated, staying up till 4 am crying and pacing my room’s length. Window. Closet. Window. Closet. I couldn’t believe it, I wanted to wake up from the nightmare that was tormenting me that November night.

I had told him everything, things my friends and parents never would’ve guessed and still don’t know to this day, my emotions: how my friends weren’t even nice to me; they were just trying to climb up the social ladder not care who they trampled on the way. We would make collaborated edits of scenes from musicals and shows; talked about Disney and actors.  Whenever I was sad, he’d tell me stories about his day or what happened that one time at baseball practice, but then I still ended up hurting myself over something stupid anyway after he said see you never! The next day when I broke down in class and yet again before I went to bed. I never did it again. I wouldn’t want to do anything stupid, would I?

What does that silly statement even mean? Don’t do anything you’re going to regret? Probably, yes. Now whenever I say I’m upset or angry I feel like all I hear or read is something telling me “don’t do anything stupid.” A constant reminder of how much of a dumb freshman I was and the fact I can’t say he’s my best friend anymore. The part I can’t stand is that I actually took a blade and bit my wrist with the shiny devil.

Gladly, I have never hurt myself intentionally after that day. The fact that I thought that was even an option was terrible, being reminded even worse. Now, I don’t get upset when I hear his favorite song playing, watch baseball or meet someone with the same name.

“Don’t do anything stupid” Those words just remind me of the time I was at my worst and the repercussions of sadness it induced. Currently, I’m in my junior year, and even though I’m over the whole thing, I still feel a twisting feeling in my stomach, a sour taste in my mouth, and my chest gets heavy; when I hear my least favorite words venomously drip out of people’s mouths. But still I won’t do anything stupid.