Tata,

My Grandmother,

What language do you speak?

And how do I learn it?

How can I hear it?

And understand every word you say?

How can I tell my grandmother
my stories,

with my mother as my translator?

If I do, are they even my stories anymore

if they’re interpreted in a way I can’t understand?

“Ena behebik tata” and “mishtatick ecteer.”

(I love you grandma) and (I miss you
so much)

Are the only phrases I know, although,

do they really mean anything if I,

can’t say anything else at all?

My dear grandmother,

who makes gadge ou farouge (chicken and potatoes)

and my favorite warak eneb (grape leaves)

How can she understand my gratitude

if all I can say is “shookran” (thank you) and leave?

“Min eedi, habibti” (from my hands, beloved)

she tells me with twinkles in her eyes.

It’s as if she sees herself through me.

She has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.

It’s scary that I can’t see myself back.

I’m scared I wont be able to smile back,

or show the same twinkle in my eyes,

or appreciate the way she speaks,

or the food she cooks.

I can’t disappoint the culture I represent,

with small phrases and ties.

“Asphe, ya tata.” (I’m sorry, grandma.)