During my junior year at my old high school I 

fell into a very bad habit of skipping my classes with 

my friends at the time. 

I eventually stopped being friends with them but all of 

those days of skipping turned into 

a full blown addiction my senior year. 

I would go to my first period class, and then immediately walk to Starbucks no matter what was happening in school. 

It didn't matter if it was 

freezing,

or pouring rain,

or 90 degrees out.

Those walks became so agonizing and it felt like 

I wasn’t in control of my own body. 

I so badly wanted to stop.

But the fear of coming back to school one day and my teachers

   punishing me for it—or rather my mom finding out and punishing me– 

    was so much more terrible. 

The reason why I went to that specific place to rot 

was because it was the only indoor place other than my own home

 that I could sit in for free and not purchase a single thing.

  The feeling of looking out of that window in front of me

  inside that building was so depressing. 

I felt jealous.

I was an observer. 

I observed people walking by, 

couples holding hands, 

people driving to work, 

I even saw a proposal once. 

  Life was just carrying on while I was observing because 

   of the addiction I made no effort to end.