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As the impending start of the new school year comes, I think to myself
How was this different from last year?
How am I feeling now?
What do I want to do in tenth grade?
What will I do in tenth grade?
Following this continuous “three year cycle,”
Tenth grade would be parallel with seventh, fourth, and first grade
All good, fun years following similar patterns of occurrence
More optimistic, more hopeful, and more happy
No longer damned, stuck, and drowning
Feeling a lot brighter, excited
Knowing that a lot is coming
Wanting a lot of change, a lot of growth
Hoping for surmountable challenges and adversity
Preparing for meltdowns
…all for the better
I went out with my friend this noon for lunch
As we ate, we talked about many things
Our classes
Our feelings
Our wants
Our fears
We concluded that it’ll just play out
That it’ll work out
That we’ll survive
That it’ll be fun
That we’ll just have to accept it
After ninth grade,
An entire year of just treading through, dead and heavy
I’ve let myself die,
Leaving the mushy me behind
You can think of this as a resurrection, a rebirth
A molting of myself over the summer
More composed, firm, bright
More ready
A new me
A new mindset, a new attitude
A new year
In thirteen days...
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Following my agonizing freshman year--- a year filled with negativity and depression--- I knew that I could not have another year that resembled freshman year. Terrified that a repetition would happen, I dreaded the start of my sophomore year. The summer of freshman year, I tried everything I could do to get me out of the depression... out of the mindset. I volunteered everywhere, talked to everyone, and went everywhere. All I wanted to do was just to get some life into me, and I did. As I went into sophomore year, I no longer had the brain fog, hazy feelings about school, and pain from just living. Every day was a new challenge to me--- something to overcome, something to look forward to; new people to talk to, and new places to go. I was no longer lost and hurt, but grounded and content.
I wrote this poem as an assignment for a teacher thirteen days before the start of sophomore year, with the prompt being "Write a poem describing how you're feeling about the approach of sophomore year." At the time, I could only assume and hope what the upcoming year would be like, but at the end, everything described in this poem came out to be true--- sophomore year as a good year filled with challenges, fresh starts, and happiness.