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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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This article has 2184 comments.
blowwnawaytoday said...
on Oct. 13 2008 at 4:50 am
um some parts of this poem were really awkward..like the line about the birdie. i think you're trying too hard to make it sound good and it doesnt really flow. but obviously other people enjoy i dunno i just really get nothing from it
halfemoonie said...
on Oct. 12 2008 at 4:23 am
All I have to say is that it lacks a certain quality. I love a poem that is wrapped in confusing metaphors and extreme similes.
tearsofravens said...
on Oct. 10 2008 at 2:32 pm
i second taropig
jimmydean09 said...
on Oct. 9 2008 at 3:29 am
This poem isn't good in my opinion. I tried to visualize what you were going for here, but honestly it seems like you were trying to input some shock value that just wasn't there. It might be a metaphor for something larger, but if so, it was poorly constructed. You had a good idea. Try again but don't put so much effort into making it something it's not.
TaroPig said...
on Oct. 9 2008 at 12:08 am
I really don't think this is that great of a poem. Frankly, it could use a little more work in the wording choice. I liked how I could [barely] connect to it, but it just didn't... uh, appeal to me. Don't slash me or anything, I'm just stating my opinion.
ScarlettFaerie said...
on Oct. 8 2008 at 5:53 pm
Wow, I'm so impressed. I loved the last bit, about being bound. Thats so amazing, this really speaks to me. Keep it up!
Jenu said...
on Oct. 8 2008 at 1:53 am
This is, as everyone else has said, a really beautiful poem. However, what everyone else has not said, I am truly sorry for the experience that led to this poem. Please understand that you can fly, this poem is your chance. Good luck and God bless.
So-Called-Monster..Writer said...
on Oct. 7 2008 at 9:16 pm
wow, that poem says a lot. its truely awesome. these people were right in choosing you to go in their magazine. try sending your stuff other places and it probably will get published. i wish luck to you...
loveandhate said...
on Oct. 7 2008 at 4:41 pm
i love this poem
FacistPuppy.69 said...
on Oct. 6 2008 at 10:29 pm
Dude, that totally kicks butt. Its a total piece of something of you, and and its really amazing how you can share it with the world and they can get their own piece of it. kudos, man. you rock.
Cierra H. said...
on Oct. 5 2008 at 5:49 pm
Wow, you are very VERY good I wish my poems could sound as beautiful and meaningful as yours. It comes straight from the heart, and it so breathtakingly described. Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. You deserve to be #1, and published to even greater things. Strive higher, your work is worth it.
Gabby said...
on Oct. 4 2008 at 6:21 pm
This is AMAZING! it is so powerful.
Pocketnerd said...
on Oct. 4 2008 at 6:10 pm
Cool, Carl!!!! Keep doing what you are doing, because your writing really speaks to people.
musikreadr said...
on Oct. 4 2008 at 1:31 am
love the poem its amazing
Courtney Renee said...
on Oct. 3 2008 at 3:45 am
This is an amazing poem. I really like it. Sometimes I can't really understand poems, because most of the time I can't relate, but this I could really relate too. Check out mine if you want (I think you might like it): TeenInk.com/raw/Poetry/article/56134/Drink-and-Drive/
lillyallen said...
on Oct. 3 2008 at 3:09 am
I love this, it is absolutely beautiful and says something amazing!!!
Starfield said...
on Oct. 2 2008 at 11:07 pm
Wow that is a really beautiful expression of something sad. What an amazing outlet. Don't stop.
Muso Hayabusa said...
on Oct. 2 2008 at 7:22 pm
this is a kickin piece of poetry my friend and this is true to us all we are "grounded" i hope to see more of ur work on here
melissa said...
on Sep. 23 2008 at 1:47 pm
great poem.. love it!
davemac said...
on Sep. 23 2008 at 1:25 pm
love the poem.
