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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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This article has 2185 comments.
iimoeloveii GOLD said...
on Oct. 22 2012 at 5:58 am
i love that poem
guillermo123 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 17 2012 at 12:11 pm
I liked that you used the word I, it gives the reader a better understanding of your personal experience.
NoMercy666 BRONZE said...
on Oct. 17 2012 at 9:56 am
Your poem has a nice idea but the rhyming factor limits it greatly. Avoiding end rhyme could probably help expand the point your poem is trying to make.
AmericanMoth BRONZE said...
on Oct. 14 2012 at 3:30 pm
What can I say that hasn't already been said? This is gorgeous!! This is the type of poetry that will be printed in textbooks for the next generation to read.
SaKarias said...
on Oct. 10 2012 at 9:14 am
I really liked this poem, it was so sensitive and dramatic. It was so realistic, the second verse was the one that really caught my attention. I really liked the rythm and the rhyme. Maybe you would like to check the grammar, but I hope you keep on writing. Because you just got yourself a new fan! :)
taylor_baby07 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 29 2012 at 8:30 pm
Loved it!!!! one of my favs!
Andrew121957 SILVER said...
on Sep. 26 2012 at 3:21 pm
Love<3 :D
sweetheart1998 BRONZE said...
on Sep. 23 2012 at 10:52 am
i really love this !
Prehistoric-Fool GOLD said...
on Sep. 22 2012 at 11:35 pm
That's a bit too harsh, but I do agree about the rhyme scheme... That one "as I gazed at the birdie" immediately deflated my original expectation of such a high rated poem.
Overall, however, I really like the way this poem conveyed what it wanted to say- and the message that came with it. Yes, it could have been better written, but it is still a good poem.
Overall, however, I really like the way this poem conveyed what it wanted to say- and the message that came with it. Yes, it could have been better written, but it is still a good poem.
Emily_Greene GOLD said...
on Sep. 21 2012 at 5:17 pm
Very nice and from an innocent point of view.
JadaA said...
on Sep. 21 2012 at 1:53 pm
this poem is awesome... it really made me think!
SHEWHOBELIEVED GOLD said...
on Sep. 19 2012 at 12:29 pm
i really find this to be different and uniqe. please check me out sometime too. At SHEWHOBELIEVED
CelebrateDifferences said...
on Sep. 17 2012 at 9:39 pm
I agree with Miss_Lady, this poem makes you want to go on adventures!
shapeshifter56 GOLD said...
on Sep. 17 2012 at 6:14 pm
We actually studied your poem in English class! How crazy is that? I was thinking, "I recognize this from somewhere...oh my gosh! It's from teenink!" Anyways, I love this poem. I didn't get it at first, but the more I read it, the more I like it. Great job!
I found this very imaginative and original. I love poems written this way. It makes me feel like a little girl again on an adventure, ready to do and try anything. I think that as we grow older we grow more cautious when sometimes we just need to take a big leap. This poem was very inspiring.
Dan.Kelly95 said...
on Sep. 14 2012 at 11:02 am
Ahh this was deep.
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