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Daddy's Womb MAG
April 23, 2008
i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.
So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.
i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.
The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.
i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.
i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.
© Anonymous
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 2185 comments.
I don't want to be mean, but I don't see what the big deal is about this poem. The rhymes are kind of forced, and the idea isn't completed. I'm sorry, but this just isn't the best poem out there. I've read poems that really deserve to be on the poetry page for months and months. but this isn't one of them.
TheRealAriel1995 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 3 2010 at 1:32 pm
OMB!!!!!!!! THIS IS ONE OF MY NEW FAVS!!! i dont know how u wrote sumthing this beautiful. its absolutely magnificent
Jellybean9898 PLATINUM said...
on Jul. 1 2010 at 3:51 pm
i really liked this, very meaninful. keep up the good work.
ShenelleCrystal SILVER said...
on Jul. 1 2010 at 11:08 am
wow this is great . I really like the concept of it . Job well done :) . If you have a chance would you care to check out my work ? It would mean so much
AbstractArtist101 SILVER said...
on Jun. 28 2010 at 3:05 pm
Dude, that was great
Ashleybear SILVER said...
on Jun. 19 2010 at 11:23 am
that is what i thoght.
PoetryButterfly123 said...
on Jun. 17 2010 at 12:41 pm
I like this poem cause it reminds me of my dad.I think when he said chain it means a chain that protects him and his dad was holding the chain to make his son try smthng new but to be safe.
Hannaleiigh PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 15 2010 at 9:45 am
I thought this was sad, but inspiring. I often feel held back by my obligations, and my family, too. I wish it was easier to loosen those ties from teenage life into adulthood, but it seems as if it is the same as pulling off a bandaid. We must either be harsh, or not do it at all.
J-HOCKEY-DOG BRONZE said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 11:17 pm
I thought is was very inspering to people who have not left there house or has done any thing fun like that
TheGoldenDomination SILVER said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 9:14 pm
That was really good! I really liked it :)
Puff_the_dragon PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 3:29 pm
I liked the poem, and i agree w/ _Elsy_
starlight26 GOLD said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 3:20 pm
Exactly. AbbyQ is right guys.
starlight26 GOLD said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 3:18 pm
UHHH, you seem to tell everyone to chill, but I think i'ts time that you should. Everyone has an opinion and its just a poem. You have no right to judge other people's lives ok? Im just sayin.
starlight26 GOLD said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 2:58 pm
Thats great critical thinking...I agree.
starlight26 GOLD said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 2:56 pm
......hehe
37 articles 4 photos 193 comments
I do agree that the rhymes may not be the best out there, but the idea is completed. And it's a very strong idea. The idea, I think, is what completes this poem. It's bitter and harsh, and it send a shiver down my spine when I read the last verse.
However I'm glad that you have the guts to say what you thought was wrong with the poem and I respect you for that. If you don't mind, could you look at some of my pieces? But only if you are ok with me starting a debate with you. I like to fully understand criticisms, and for some reason I only fully understand after I've exhausted all arguments against them.