Daddy's Womb | Teen Ink

Daddy's Womb MAG

April 23, 2008
By Anonymous

i asked my father if i could swim,
and he said that i would drown.
The Sea would imprison me – he said
if my feet had left the ground.

So i walked out to the water,
and cried out – how ’bout now!
He said, a little bit further, Son,
and then you’ll leave the ground.

i stepped on sand then stone,
from hollow ground to sturdy.
The sky was at my level as I
gazed at the birdie.

The Sea brought me a new idea,
the urge to flee to the high.

i asked my Father if i could fly,
and he said, sure, Son – go try.

i jumped as high as i could.
Still, i landed on the ground.
i saw my Father pull on a chain,
then i knew that i was bound.



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This article has 2185 comments.


on Jul. 6 2010 at 11:31 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 193 comments

I do agree that the rhymes may not be the best out there, but the idea is completed. And it's a very strong idea. The idea, I think, is what completes this poem. It's bitter and harsh, and it send a shiver down my spine when I read the last verse. 

 

However I'm glad that you have the guts to say what you thought was wrong with the poem and I respect you for that. If you don't mind, could you look at some of my pieces? But only if you are ok with me starting a debate with you. I like to fully understand criticisms, and for some reason I only fully understand after I've exhausted all arguments against them. 


on Jul. 5 2010 at 4:18 pm
TimBonin BRONZE, Georgia, Vermont
3 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Well begun is half done"

I do agree with you. and i like the harshness of your reviews (really, i do) would you mind taking a quick look at some of my stuff. ive been waiting for some (very) constructive criticism 

Eilatan GOLD said...
on Jul. 4 2010 at 11:35 am
Eilatan GOLD, Old Greenwich, Connecticut
11 articles 1 photo 307 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Nobody is normal. Everybody in the world is a weirdo freak. Except you, which makes you a weirdo freak."

I don't want to be mean, but I don't see what the big deal is about this poem. The rhymes are kind of forced, and the idea isn't completed. I'm sorry, but this just isn't the best poem out there. I've read poems that really deserve to be on the poetry page for months and months. but this isn't one of them.

on Jul. 3 2010 at 1:32 pm
TheRealAriel1995 PLATINUM, Highland Village, Texas
30 articles 6 photos 203 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;See in what peace a Christian can die.&quot; - Joseph Addison<br /> &quot;How come everyone will come to your funeral, but nobody will come see you when you are living?&quot;

OMB!!!!!!!! THIS IS ONE OF MY NEW FAVS!!! i dont know how u wrote sumthing this beautiful. its absolutely magnificent

banna42 BRONZE said...
on Jul. 1 2010 at 9:02 pm
banna42 BRONZE, Connellsville, Pennsylvania
1 article 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;you have enemies? good, it means you stood up for something&quot; -eminem

this was good:] i couldn't really understand what you were getting at, but i liked it:] good structure!! keep it up:]

on Jul. 1 2010 at 3:51 pm
Jellybean9898 PLATINUM, Glendale, California
34 articles 0 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When nothing goes right, go left&quot;-Anonymous<br /> &quot;Thank God men cannot fly, and lay waste to the sky as well as the Earth&quot;-Henry David Thoreau

i really liked this, very meaninful.  keep up the good work.

Shinx BRONZE said...
on Jul. 1 2010 at 11:33 am
Shinx BRONZE, Peoria, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Do what you can today, because you might not make it to tomorrow&quot;

That was pretty good.., I liked it alot,

on Jul. 1 2010 at 11:08 am
ShenelleCrystal SILVER, M, New York
7 articles 0 photos 186 comments

Favorite Quote:
Laugh your heart out dance in the rain cherish the memories ignore the pain love + learn forget and forgive because remember you only have [one life to live] &hearts;

wow this is great . I really like the concept of it . Job well done :) . If you have a chance would you care to check out my work ? It would mean so much

on Jun. 28 2010 at 3:05 pm
AbstractArtist101 SILVER, Cedar Grove, New Jersey
6 articles 1 photo 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You can make a thousand guesses about what will happen next, but in reality, there&#039;s only one outcome.&quot;<br /> -Myself

Dude, that was great

on Jun. 19 2010 at 11:23 am
Ashleybear SILVER, Big Spring, Texas
7 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
I can do all things though crist who strenthens me!!!

that is what i thoght.

on Jun. 17 2010 at 12:41 pm
PoetryButterfly123, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
0 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When your time comes to face one of life&#039;s obstacles, stay positive about it and prepare yourself for the big jump over it, because being negative about it is just gonna make it a hell of a lot harder to get one leg over it.&quot; - Me

I like this poem cause it reminds me of my dad.I think when he said chain it means a chain that protects him and his dad was holding the chain to make his son try smthng new but to be safe.

on Jun. 15 2010 at 9:45 am
Hannaleiigh PLATINUM, Kittery Point, Maine
49 articles 0 photos 7 comments
I thought this was sad, but inspiring. I often feel held back by my obligations, and my family, too. I wish it was easier to loosen those ties from teenage life into adulthood, but it seems as if it is the same as pulling off a bandaid. We must either be harsh, or not do it at all.

on Jun. 9 2010 at 11:17 pm
J-HOCKEY-DOG BRONZE, Sethsdfg, Colorado
4 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
do to others as you would them to treat you

I thought is was very inspering to people who have not left there house or has done any thing fun like that

on Jun. 9 2010 at 9:14 pm
TheGoldenDomination SILVER, Fort Dodge, Iowa
9 articles 4 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&#039;m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I&#039;ve always been a freak. So I&#039;ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I&#039;m one of those people.<br /> ~John Lennon

That was really good! I really liked it :)

on Jun. 9 2010 at 3:29 pm
Puff_the_dragon PLATINUM, Monroe, North Carolina
36 articles 7 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
Love can be lost but it will never be forgotten

I liked the poem, and i agree w/ _Elsy_

_Mags_ SILVER said...
on Jun. 9 2010 at 3:23 pm
_Mags_ SILVER, Somewhere, North Carolina
9 articles 7 photos 436 comments

Favorite Quote:
- I stare danger in the face and giggle<br /> - Never argue with an idiot, people might not know the difference<br /> -R.A.P (Retards Attempting Poetry)<br /> -Tip Cologne ryhmes with alone

um. and you are? and i'm was just tyring to get people to stop talking about those two lines (look at comments below mine) so please take the chill pill you just gave me

on Jun. 9 2010 at 3:20 pm
starlight26 GOLD, Miramar, Florida
11 articles 7 photos 174 comments

Favorite Quote:
*life isnt about pretending to be something you&#039;re not. It about being who you are and finding someone <br /> who loves every bit of it.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Life&#039;s tradegy is that we get old too soon and wise too late&quot;

Exactly. AbbyQ is right guys.

on Jun. 9 2010 at 3:18 pm
starlight26 GOLD, Miramar, Florida
11 articles 7 photos 174 comments

Favorite Quote:
*life isnt about pretending to be something you&#039;re not. It about being who you are and finding someone <br /> who loves every bit of it.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Life&#039;s tradegy is that we get old too soon and wise too late&quot;

UHHH, you seem to tell everyone to chill, but I think i'ts time that you should. Everyone has an opinion and its just a poem. You have no right to judge other people's lives ok? Im just sayin.

on Jun. 9 2010 at 2:58 pm
starlight26 GOLD, Miramar, Florida
11 articles 7 photos 174 comments

Favorite Quote:
*life isnt about pretending to be something you&#039;re not. It about being who you are and finding someone <br /> who loves every bit of it.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Life&#039;s tradegy is that we get old too soon and wise too late&quot;

Thats great critical thinking...I agree.

on Jun. 9 2010 at 2:56 pm
starlight26 GOLD, Miramar, Florida
11 articles 7 photos 174 comments

Favorite Quote:
*life isnt about pretending to be something you&#039;re not. It about being who you are and finding someone <br /> who loves every bit of it.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Life&#039;s tradegy is that we get old too soon and wise too late&quot;

......hehe