I had to comment separately on the prologue and first chapter, my comment was too long. =P

Chapter 1:

This is more than just a pet peeve—it’s a cliché.  When the MC wakes up at the beginning of the first chapter. I know, you want to say ‘But there’s no other way to start it!’, and I know changing your own stuff is torturous—I’m not even saying you have to change it—but wake-up scenes at the beginning of novels have, sadly, become an over-used cliché.  Especially with a dream sequence.

I like how you slightly twisted the cliché of an MC seeing themselves in a mirror; while you do enter her appearance from seeing her reflection, the fact that she saw it in a pendant, not a mirror, makes it slightly better.

You don’t need to mention her ‘amber eyes’ twice in the same paragraph.

Something I’ve seen—there are a number of places where it looks like the word ‘the’ has been left out, and while it’s not technically incorrect the way you have it, it would probably sound better with the ‘the’ before it.

“And you shouldn’t go discriminating [against] women either.”  You can’t just use ‘discriminating’, you need the ‘against.’

“If eyes could ever look more like knives, it would [be] Mira’s blue ones right now.”  ßSame deal as before.

Mira is an interesting character—I like her.

Your dialogue is a bit of a problem.  On the one hand, the words themselves are excellent.  It doesn’t sound awkward, unnatural, it flows very well.  That’s a good thing.  On  the other hand, though, you use very few dialogue tags, especially later in the chapter.  And while you don’t want to overuse those, you  need to use them enough that the reader knows who’s talking and how they’re saying it.  Near the end, with their exchanges, I became slightly lost, not sure whom was speaking.  Just try to sneak in a few tags to clarify.

I applaud you for the fact that, despite this being high fantasy, in neither your prologue nor your first chapter do you have a huge, frightening block of telling.  This is something most fantasy writers, myself included, struggle with—not just having a huge info dump with no ‘showing’ in the first chapter.  Yet yours had none, but it worked.

Hmm.  I checked how many words this chapter had—1,000-something.  While, unfortunately, I have seen shorter chapters on here, a 1,000 word chapter is too short for most published novels.  That’s about four pages, maybe less.  It’s typical to make your chapters at least 2,000, and even that is on the short side.  So if all your chapters are 1,000 words, I’d suggest combining every two, just making a scene break instead of a chapter break.

Also, relating to what I mentioned above—you may already know this, but published novels rarely stray under 50,000 words, and that’s very short. 50,000 words is about 200 pages, on a smaller-sized novel.  Fantasy novels typically range from 70,000 words to….oh, 200,000.

^^Just wanted to mention.

Overall: I did my best to critique.  Despite what it may sound like, I really, really enjoyed reading this.  Why?  It’s some of the best, most polished writing I’ve read on this site.  You have no idea how relieved I was to finally see something with proper grammar, proper dialogue punctuation, proper comma placement, etc.  Aside from the things I’ve mentioned, you’re off to a very solid start.  I’d like to check back in on this piece and read more when I’ve the time. =)

Okay, here I am. =)  I don’t have a ton of time, and I’m trying to fit this in, so if it’s not as long as some of my critiques, I apologize.

First off, I’ll commend you on your summary. For one, it had good grammar—a rarity here; for another, it was fairly well-written, and captured the reader’s attention.

Alright.  The prologue.  What I’m about to mention first is something that I understand can’t truly be avoided, but there are….a few too many prologues set in the woods nowadays, according to publishers.  Also—publishers don’t like prologues.  And believe me, I know I’m being a complete hypocrite saying that, but it’s true.  I’m not telling you to cut your prologue—you’d know better than me if it’s necessary.  Just a  warning there.

Good foreshadowing with the entire prologue.  I commend you on both the writing and the content—you captured both third person and a child’s voice quite well, and the bit with the fire and the mother was very well-done.  It does set up the story well.

I have a few nitpicks.  One—you don’t need to say someone watched ‘carefully’ with guarded eyes. If they’re watching with guarded eyes, they’re watching carefully.

Raveled is a word, but I’ll admit—it’s not used a whole lot.  This isn’t necessary, but while I quite like the sentence where it describes what the Fire does, it could just be ‘unraveled the spun’ or something along those lines.

“Her emerald eyes were distant as she gazed [into] the infinite darkness beyond the light of the fire.”  ßYou were missing the ‘into’ and without that it wouldn’t make sense.

Onto the first chapter.

Thanks[;

Your feedback was really helpful, and I appreciate it. I'll submit more when I have the time(: Oh yeah.

I'm just curious, but how long does it take you to finish a novel? I'm trying to pace myself evenly here, to split time between schoolwork, studying, etc and I'm not entirely sure. Thanks(:

Thanks for the critiquing! Yeah, I thought about removing Chapter Two in place for something a bit more interesting to read, and I also did think about clearing up Summer's personality. I'll have to revise it when I submit more chapters. Haha I haven't heard of Malinda Lo or read Donna Jo Napoli, but I'll be sure to check it out sometime. 

Yup, girl power. I was aiming for that. Thanks for the helpful feedback(:!

First off, congratulations on being the most discussed Sci-Fi/Fantasy novel :D

Secondly, to the critique...I really like the character's names here. You manage to capture the fantasy elements without having to resort to unrealistic names. The flow between the details, backstory, and actual events is very well done, and you never had to resort to simply spelling anything out for the reader.

The best advice I can give is in the long run, as you complete the novel, keep the core cast of characters small and well-developed. A big part about fantasy is ensuring each character has their own story within the larger story (though don't go out of your way to devote screen time to a character who doesn't need it!)

I like the time and setting of this; how it's like a fairytale with a twist. Your style of writing actually really reminds me of "Ash" by Malinda Lo (a modern twist on Cinderella where the main character actually does hunt with a bow also) and the type of revised tales that Donna Jo Napoli writes. I wish you incorporated more "showing than telling" into the story because the beginning of Chapter Two kind of lost my attention. It was easy to figure out what type of person Mira was, but I wish we knew a little bit more about Summer's personality, likes/dislikes, etc. Like for example, if the main character was cocky and narrating the story, you could make the character think that he/she was the greatest or if the main character was shy and narrating the story, you could write the character's thoughts about he/she is afraid of meeting new people, how they make them nervous, etc. But I can see that Summer is a very strong female heroine type of character. :] Girl power? (: These are just little hints and suggestions; they weren't mean to be offensive at all. 

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this. You've got great ideas and that's what's most important about being a writer. I hope you keep writing more awesome stuff! :]

Thanks, I'd been hoping someone would say that. :]

And, if it didn't bother you too much, could you read my realistic fiction article called Dear Juliet? It was approved yesterday and I'm not getting many views; I'd appreciate some feedback. Thanks(:

I like the idea you have for the story. Your wording and descriptions are good, and I would gladly continue reading it. But I must point out all the mistakes I can.

'...plunged into the warmness of the fire.' Should be warmth instead of warmness.

'Within the arms,....' Correct to 'Within them,'

'...was filled of confusion.' Change to either 'was full of confusion' or 'was filled with confusion.

'... walked into the darkness.' you should add more. Put an adjective before 'darkness.' Unforgiving, maybe?

Chapter two

'...mirroring the wild pounding of her heartbeat.' Omit 'beat' after heart.

'...lying on her cot that became too small...' Lying in her cot, and change 'became' to 'had become'.

'...small leather sack with a clean stack...' Add ', along' in between 'sack' and 'with'.

'...darkened with browned mottling of age...' Insert 'the' in between 'with' and 'brown'. Remove the last two letters of 'browned'.

'her pendant had ceased the pulsing...' Omit 'the'.

'...intriguing Summer to solve its mystery.' Doesn't sound right. 'Intriguing' would mean 'fascinating'. You should change it to 'urging'.

'... and looking not at all ruffled.' Change to '... and not looking at all ruffled.'

'And you could get up earlier next time. It's nearly noontime.' Two sentences ending in the same word sounds odd. You should remove the 'time' after 'noon'.

'A faint smile made a way onto...' Made its way.

'Summer had struck a pressure point.' I think you should change 'pressure point' to 'nerve'.

Sorry, there's only so much I can take right now. I'll do Chapter 3 soon. Good work, though!

Thanks so much! Your comment really means a lot to me. I was thinking about taking a break on this novel (already was, actually) to do some nonfiction writing. However, I think I'm going to continue now(; I didn't think people were still reading this book, especially since the novel fantasy section has the most books. 

Thank youu!

Thanks! 

I was aiming for a more timeless setting, and I didn't want to get too much mixed up with old-fashioned writing. I appreciate your rating(:

I'm not sure when I can post again, because I'm stuck between school craziness. I'd like to get at least five chapters done before I do submit it to the editors. 

Again, thanks for the feedback!(:

Yeah, I'm trying to throw in some unexpected twists to the story to make it less predictable. Although I'm not sure what you mean by the cliche part? I might take that part out, though.

Thanks for the feedback!(: